here.

we.

go.

OH NO.
does anyone have a more than 140 MB usb?
plsplspls if you have tell me and i'll love you to bits.
cos 1 episode of The Champion, aka ren4 wo3 au2 you2 is 140 MB.
and my usb is 128. *wahhhhhhhh*
plsplspls if any of you have pls lend me! i'll be eternally grateful.
den my fren can pass me de epi, den i can burn into discs...
pls?

on to smthg more optimistic and cheerful.
went to skool today, then to coro.
for stupid Vainest's burfdae present.
just cos we din want it to be late (how extremely nice and thoughtful of us =P)
yea aniwae. went and got his stuff and it took one hour. hoho. so ate lunch while waiting.
aniwae. i really love the songs inside, and most of which i dont even have a copy of so LUO DE ZHANG IF YOU READ THIS, pls lend me to fotocopy after my Os.
yay. haha. sorry to ask you to come allll the way back. i din msg you to stay before hand cos din know you replaced your fone.

two more days to Os. everyone went crazy in class today.
poor ed. hahaha. im so sorry honey. you have to bear with it for another 3 weeks.
and im the last one coming back from battle. bleh.
sigh. the panic is finally starting to make its impact.

shit. my Os art paper is out.
im freaking screwed la.

the qns:
1. Heritage
2. groundwork (like, hah?)
3. facades
4. magnification
5. wheels
6. players

im stumped. urgh. like, ive never got such cheemish questions before la.
and i so need to do well. OR ELSE.
i can kiss HC goodbye.

a prawn came out for bio prac.
can you BELEVE IT?
they damn rich la! a FRIGGIN PRAWN.
lol
im so amused.
cos everyone was making this big fuss about the supposedly Chinese-High-leaked-the-qn-and-its-a-flower thing
lol. and turned out was a prawn.
hmm. prac was ok today.
praise God. yep.

and im going crazy over qi yuwu lol. sorry renjie. =P
hahaha. he's just so captivating. unlike your (ugly) jay chou.

and i met this very freaky old lady on the bus today. bleh.
when i was going to school from the doctor's.
had an infection. bleh. and now msut take some stupid antibiotics that taste sooo bitter.

shit, what the hell.
i need to damn it talk to pastor.
been trying so hard not to entertain that thot.
always try so hard to stand on my own.
have you ever wondered if id collapse?
like on of hooper's old disintegrating moths that was dead long time ago.

ever known the feeling of drowning?
i have. always had, always have.

When i pretend
everything is what i want it to be
i look exactly like what you had always wanted to see
When i pretend
i can forget about the criminal that i am
stealing second after second just cos i know i can
But i cant pretend thsi is the way it will stay
im just trying to bend the truth
i cant pretend im who you want me to be

i remember what you taught to me
remember condescending talk
of who i ought to be
remember listening to all of that and this again
so i pretended up a person who was fitting in
and now you think this person is really me
but the more i push im pulling away

no turning back now
i wanna be pushed aside
so LET ME GO
let me take back my life
id rather be all alone
anywhere on my own
cos i can see
the very worst part of you is me

im so tired. let me go.
id pay for my life full
in gold, in blood
just release me

eeek. my com just did smthg weird.
it brightened up, then dimed down, then brightened up, then dimed down.
a few times.
quite scary. all the more supporting my argument that i should have a laptop of my own.
hmph.

aniwaez. was reading this book, Just Like Jesus, by Max Lucado.
and the thought jsut struck me how other pple of other religions are so... zealous for their god.
and i recalled also how Deb, althoh a mormon, was so enthu abt church and her churchmates etc.
and it really got me thinking.
that we very often dont show enough zeal for the Lord.
we take Him for granted. this "genie in the lamp" mindset. that we just have to tell him our probs, and he'll solve them etc.
i dunoo abt others, but i know ive tend to treat Him like that.
it struck me how he tries so hard to reach us, to call us, but we're just happy to have a NICE worship/experience. without really wanting to experience smthg diff.
without actually wanting to let God touch us personally.
to change us from within.
it sorta becomes a routine, like, oh we go every week.
and its the same ?
i dunno how to say this.
ah. well gtg. yup. just some thots of de day....

thankews so much eching for listening to me.
i feel much better.
love ya...

hoonie shocked me abit.
just started spilling like that.
but i understand your concern la. its mine too, jsut that i havent allowed myself to think about it.
i refused to think about it.
but now that all these qns and worries start sinking in im scared.
being so naive.
thinking everything will be alright. everything is rosy in HC. just cos its HC and i never considered how things might change and the people (would be seniors) wont be there anymore to shape my experiences but this new group of people.
and how everyone had been bitching abt rgs and scgs etc airheads coming.
as in. i try not to let it affect me? but still.
and how im actually forcing myself to face this reality.
and how much it hurts to know that my PERFECT HC is not wad it is.
and im afraid i'll fall to pieces cos i made the mistake of idealising HC.
and im so scared now.

and i cried during ppt today cos everything just broke down and i felt damn lousy?
slides not in order, missing songs, EVERYTHING.
i was trying so hard telling myself not to cry cos pple will see it and all?
i hate weaknesses.
guess that's my problem that i dont suffer fools.

im so sorry Lord that i try so hard sometimes i just shut you out cos i dont wanna listen and i dont even know it guess that's why sometimes i feel so lousy...

Whoa.
im not tryingto be biased, but HC really rocks.
HC somehow jsut gives pple a homey feel.
many ive met said that.
and how Rj is so boring and dead.
lol. i agreeeee.
i love HC. the people, atmosphere. everything.
think im going there liao.
all the events were great.
spirits not dampened by the heavy rain.
and i met loads of pple.
lihao, teck leng, jierong, shini, puisan, liang cheng etc.
too many to count.
and the seniors were great. so welcoming.
and there's this supposedly " TOTALLY AWESOME LOOKING" councillor.
ok, he's cute la. very. but thats abt it? i dunno.
haha. and i think many pple are nice too?
hurhur.
angelyn kept going on abt how NJ has more shuai ge so she wanna go there. lol.
HC's really fun!!! its like i wanna join a million and one things man...

and uh. ive found this place near Art Friend that sells products SOOOO much cheaper.
really. im quite happy.

and im currently obsessed with Qi Yu Wu.
he's soooo captivating. <333333333

shit. wad the freaking damn hell.
i totally screwed up my chem prac la.
waaaay to go for the first Os paper.
why must i be so gei kiang to go change my ans?
irritated.
if i left it alone it wont be DAT bad. since the rest of the school screwed up.
but did i? NOOOO.
arrrrgh. im so pissed off.
why did they sent us screwd up samples of chemicals?
blardi hell. and now i have to work doubly hard for my written.
cos Chem's the only subj i can bank on.
shit la. MOE/CAMBRIDGE can go and die.

and i need to go Art Friend for a brand new set of brushes.
all of mine are splitting like crazy.
grrrrr. bad day.

my impression of jierong changed dramatically yesterday.
it shouldnt have but.
we were on the bridge. shuf and i.
then there's this NJ girl who dropped her fone far into the bouganvillea bush.
den me and shuf stopped to try n help her get it.
but we couldnt reach.
it was raining wet and all.

then jierong walked by. in his chi high skool u of cos.
he stopped, for some weird reasons.
then. since he stopped and looked at us with a "wad happened look on his face" we asked him to help pick up de fone la.
so he just got down on his knees and tried his best to reach for the fone.
did it, and returned it.
we had barely time to say thanks before he just picked up his bag and went off.

i dont know wad to say.
after all that with marian, i had a bad impression of him
but then.
thanks all the same.
and i'll try harder to see you in a diff. light.

i cried last night.
for years just flew past like that and today's the last day of school.
of official school.
and im sad that i do have regrets.
regrets of not being able to let everyone sign my book.
and to take fotos.
and how i'll miss them all terribly.

sigh.
im not any more assured or comforted when i stepped out of each of my last classes for the particular subject.
i need confidence.
and more time.
been slacking my days away i got a shock that prac is 2 days away.
and HCL is 1 and a half weeks more.

and im so sorry im letting you go.
maybe ten years down the road i'd tell you how you make me feel.
but that'll be all too late.
your blindspot just makes things worse? so im saying sorry.
and goodbye as i remove you from that pedestal that has since started to tarnish.

gosh.
i dunno where to begin speaking about my all too wonderful day.
ok. i went NJ at like. 11am.
went to take a look and there were SO many pple.
(i expect nextweek's HC open house to have even MORE)
so aniwae.
was walking arnd and the councillors are so hip!
sprayed hair, fun cheers etc. lol.
but other than that... quite boring leh.
no offense ah liang fa. (now i understand why you told me to just walk arnd myself lol)
ah well.
gatherd quite a bit of info...

then i went to HC choir camp at 2 pm!!!!!!
gosh.
cos i went with shups and angelyn.
we alighted one stop after so must walk quite a bit.
so were late la.
so we went in. first thing we saw at de canteen was ms lim eating. and ushers also la.
(ms lim is our conductor! HC's also)
so yea.
went inside choir prac area... (jus an LT =S)
den given warm round of applause by our NY seniors! wahhahahaha.
ok.
since we all started late. din do that much for games.
wacko and capt's ball.
my group, Group 5 roxors man.
wacko was sooo fun.
and i think wang2 xiao1 is so cool
he's from RV, J1, and from china i think.
but he din look it, and his english rocks socks!
its so good he sounds like an ang moh. lol.
he's cool.
then, there's aaron,
he's nice!
plus he's got GREAT ball sense. catch all the balls i throw to him~
no presents for guessing which team won.
hahaha.

and and and
there's this guy who looks totally like edmund chen.
hahaha. well. the height and looks and colour!
so unnerving.
hahahaha. no wonder yuru was persuading me to go HC " lots of shuai ge for you!"
like wadeva. *rolls eyes*
i jus think they are really great fun.
i like how they are like totally in awe of you/your skills? hahaha.
cos during capt's ball, me and ruth and cheryl were like major scoring with aaron in de last 5 min?
and then wang xiao, or peter as he is called, was totally amazed man.
and they werent inclined to believe i was in NY choir.
althoh i wore choir tee.
they were like, " you sure you not from netball or smthg?" lol
i really wanna join them.
they are sooo cool/fun/great.

just hope i can stay there after 1st 3 mths........

gab was so funny today.
she got so many ten cent coins from the class.
to call to spore idol and support taufik <3!

she tot she could use the payfone in school.
and the school will be charged 50cents for every of her ten cents call.
but her supposedly FOOLPROOF plan failed cos the fone din accept dials for 1900 calls.
i was so amused.
so she ended up with a big bunch of coins.. ahhahahaa.

wahhhhhhh.
i totally lovve miss loo.
hahaha. nvm cant be bother to explain.
hahaha. but i loff her muchly! =D =D

aniwae. was so damn pissed off today.
my bus card no marnie.
the stupid bus driver stopped the bus and made me get off.
wad the hell?!
i was SOOO PISSED.
thanks a million to hanhui who lent me some coins.
grrrrr.

feeling really lousy.
as usual.
no sense of achievement night after night.

im irritated.
beyond irritation.
wads the use of a testimonial thats totally fake?
if it sings your praises to the sky and so much of it is distorted wads the bloody use?
just cos you have eloquent english.
"well received and respected by her teachers and peers"
bullshit.
you are so FAKE i cant stand you.

we've been here before.

and aniwae im so crazy about everything they are driving me up the wall.
stupid Yeo CH, just cos peipei wasnt listening.
she scolded all 8 of us infront of the other 3 classes.
and so much math.
and stupid SHARI NG sitting next to me (from 4/1 btw) goes" ive finished all my math papers... nothing to do..."
and i feel pressurised.
=/ im getting complacent and despite all the wakeup calls ive been getting from teachers i dont seem to be working hard.
i need to start desperately on bio and comb humans if i want my A.
we're not even talking about an A1 here.
id just die, i know, if im going HC for 1st 3 mths then getting kick out.
God, i wish i knew a way to motivate myself.
dangle that carrot infront.
sigh.
ive been screaming alot lately.
at people and things (this is weird i know) and all.
im scared shitdead of lots of things.
sigh. i MUST work hard... how im not on task and all.

its driving you off the edge?
i fell over some time ago.

yay. my dad decided to get me a new fone.
but i want a niiiiice model.
no nice models out now leh.
for nokia la.
samsung has a damn nice one: SGH-E800C
its soooo nice.
but will my dad be willing to fork out 700 bucks?
=/ maybe... if my mom's not there when i buy it.
hahaha. sourcing for fones now (WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING ONLINE AND NOT STUDYING SINCE O LEVELS ARE IN 2 WEEKS?!)
honestly i have no idea.
complacency is the worst enemy.
but i seem to treat it like a friend.

eeeeewww.
the new campbell soup in a cup thingy sucks.
not at all like the original.
bleh.
all the small packet kind of soup all lydat.
not nice. de can ones are still nicer.

aniwae i think this song is so funky!

There she was just a-walkin' down the street
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy dum diddy-do
snappin' her fingers and shufflin' her feet
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy dum diddy-do

its too long to type out. but its realli REALLI funky. lol.
chorus is stuck in my head.ahahaha.

do-wah diddy-diddy dum diddy-do~

was looking at the graphics for Prince of Tennis!
hahaha. shall do one anime thingy of Atobe Keigo for shuuy.
for her B-dae.
hahaa. since she looooves atobe so much.
i like Fuji better. Fuji!!!
Ryoma is nice too! hehehe.

She spends her nights in California,
To live the life that's in her dreams,
Then she lies awake and she wonders,
Why can’t that be me
Cause in her life she is filled
With all these good intentions
She’s left a lot of things
She’d rather not mention right now
But just before she says goodnight,
She looks up with a little smile at me,
And she says,

If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that,
what would I do,
What would I do

Now and dreams we run
She spends her days up in the north park,
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just
A little piece of this dream,
Is that too much to ask
With a safe home, and a warm bed,
On a quiet little street
All she wants is just that something to
Hold onto, that’s all she needs

If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that,
what would I do,
What would I do

church's organising baptism classes.
i really think alvin and dezhang so go.
jun wei also.


他走了帶走了我的天堂　
風乾後會留下彩虹淚光
他走了我没有夢可留下　
希望有個地方　等待愛飛翔

少了你的手臂当枕头
我很不习惯
你的望远镜望不到我南半球的孤单

sigh. this is depressing.
i always knew my dad liked guys better.
edna would know wad im talking about.
its quite unfair sometimes.

aniwae. read this passage today during QT.
"be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath"
just my thots on wad you showed me today.
i agree with that passage la. yup. a great reminder to all of us.

isnt it just so ironic you are so proud of your humility?

and im such a dissatisfied person who wants her way.
too freaking conscious about materialism.


there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

hahahah. feeling blissful eating nice noodles my daddy made.
=)
aniwae.
was quite fun at chem class today.
im glad zixuan is taking chem at a levels.
so we'll be in de same chem tuition for another 2 years.
ahhaha.
he's qutie nice la. and cute in the flippant way.
all acs guys are i guess.
but he's from barker. so grades not that good cant go HC/NJ.
so he's going AC and taking tennis.
lalala~ maybe dec i shall ask him to play tennis with me too!
dun worry alvin i wont neglect u. hahahah.

3 more weeks and im dying.
Os are coming.
isnt it just SO exciting?! i CANT WAIT!!!! *big eyed*

aniwae.
im quite sad that ching retained J2.
so i'll be seeing her next year.
that makes her and batara.
waahhahahahaha.
too bad eng siang's going stanford.
but well. im happy for him la.
future politician next time grow up be like his dad be defence minister. lol.
nevermind.

NJ open house on 16 oct.
same day as my HC choir exposure thingum.
lalala. cant wait.
but i think eng siang wont be there cos of his As.
how sad. (read: near devastation)
hahah. no la. but aniwae im glad liwei not there. (i hope)
or id just DIE.

im jealous.
so jealous that some pple have it so nicely.
and im so unsatisfied to be broke and unsponsored all the time.
its not fair.
i know i shouldnt complain but.
BUT.
i realli realli just want a digi cam why cant you freaking buy it for me?

im like. always paying for my own stuff.
and stupid pple who are so rich
buying coffee at coffee bean every-freaking-day
taking cabs home
and can just go and get an ipod mini like that.
and all the apple hardware that you say were of LOUSY quality.
hypocrite. then dont show it off to me.

wadssup with all the math teachers man.
i got another 7 papers today.
NUTHOUSE.
and i completed 3.
so. that makes 15-2+7
wow. grand total of 21.
SUCKS.
ah well. see. even math is infiltrating into my private life.
urgh.
I WANNA SCREAM.
the teachers are all MAD.

thanks for de encouragement from various YOUs.
but no one has yet offered to help share de burden le.
if everyone on my links list takes 2 papers, maybe we can finish over de weekend? (read: de DEADline)
hahaha. as if.

wad shuying said to me gave me food for thought
how im so fortunate to have grown up in a family with the same religion as i am.
i understand wad she means, thoh de idea isnt really all there.

for her, who just recently accepted Christ, she would feel envious of me having parents "with the same religion"
but i think that.
its me who is fortunate to be born into christian env?
as in. ya. and thus i can come to know Christ at and early age and then accept him and such.
i know
that if it hadnt been the case, id probably have been this problematic girl loitering late at night on the streets with bad company?
i think i have that tendency. =S

and it sorta makes me treasure this? cos ive never seen it that way before?
like how i always complain why i have such backgrd and all?
ya. so. i guess i gotta thank God?

and im so dying for math. 15 papers to go by this week.
3 to finish TONIGHT.

we all have our blindspots.
i personally feel that no one is at fault completely.

why cant we just bury the past?
its time to move on.

or maybe its the closeness of thoughts. linked so closely you dont have space to breathe.
you never know if your interpretation is correct.

offensive or defensive differs by a thin faded line.
read it your way then.
love me, but leave me alone.

My worst suspicions are confirmed

Nanyang IS a NUTHOUSE.

its not even humanly POSSIBLE to ask students to finish 8 Emath paper and 4 Amath paper in two bloody days.
teachers are MAD. oh god. get me out of here someone.
(the fact that they were given last week doesnt count. its still crazy)

ah well. yeo cheng yong is an INTERESTING (math) teacher.
strict/crazy/impatient. but still interesting. haha.

went shopping and din have a ickle sense of satisfaction.
cant believe my mom only spent 70 bucks on me.
wad happened to all that marney?!
argh. ;(
hopefully gab buys me the nalgene.

whoa joseph.
chill bro.
sometimes you go out of your way to help and care for others but they say you have a personal selfish agenda, its quite hurtful i know.
but trust that the Lord Jesus knows your motives and he will reward you in His own way and time ok?
Thank God for you and jo who are able to look beyond yourselves to help others!
take care k. *hugs*

ANNOUCEMENT: ROYALTY IN OUR SCHOOL!!!!

whahahha. you'd never guess.
the PRINCE EDWARDS of ENGLAND came to our school.
to look-see. hahaha.
he's oldish. lol. and we're all teasing sarah abt being a princess to up her grades.
ah well. but still?! how cool isit to have a real PRINCE visit your skool? (the fact that he is old and ugly is besides de pt)
ahhahaha. so fun.

aniwae. was totally pissed off at the mainstream pple.
Choo is realli unbiased lor? her marking for lit is so fair.
or else shuuy wont have gotten a 14/25!
get a life man. if you DONT HAVE TALENT dont be such a sore loser.
"how can such an essay get a 12?"
look. you have it or you dont. piss off man.
and stop spreading stupid lies about her. esp. when YOUR deline soh gave MODEL ANSWERS to her students which just so INCIDENTALLY coincide with all the exam qns.
screw off.

and i got A1 for art.
but somehow.
the joy is missing.
and supposedly econs is hard? so i dunno wad to do. wad subjects to choose.
confirmed would probably be chem, math, art.
yea. and batara is so not a reason to go HC siqi. hahahha.

so intoxicated it took too long to feel the thorns behind that bed of roses.

BIIIIGGG HUGS to ah geok althoh i dunno wad happened.


I LOFF YOU MUCHLY!
JESUS LOFFS YOU MUCHLY TOO!
CHEERIOS ok? *muack*

does anyone who read this have any ickle info at all abt polys?
=D can tell me/send me/advise me. lol.

and i know that althoh i keep saying that all that really matters is that i do what i want,
there is this little voice at the back of my head reminding me of the stigma of going to a poly when i have an alternative.

i SHALL. NO. i WILL work very hard for my Os from this night on.
aim for straight As. (HA HA HA)

i know i shouldnt feel jealous.
cos she totally deserved it.
but i cant help it. she's always so slack and now she's got like. straight As.

must learn to be thankful for what i have myself.

ah. stupid Mr. kuo.
after his "advice" to us today after chem prac. i dunno where to go.
definitely not RJ i guess.
cos how he says that people there mug very hard.
while all the time lying abt not studying. and pretending to play alot and not care.
then get good grades.
i dont wanna be like that.

then. HC i dun mind.
but if i take art its gonna be a biiiig problem
cos HC art pioneered last year.
so if i go in i'll be 2nd batch.
and apparently the facilities SUCK.
so. =(

but i dowan to go NJ. as in. it IS a possible option la.
but pple keep telling me its damn boring.
shall check with liang fa for it.
thoh the art facils are damn good la.

and. the problematic part.
KUO says i should go poly.
how the art at TP is good. like for fashion designing and interior designing.
and how NYP apparently has quite good art stuff for like animation?
bleh.
how?
now im like torn la. cos peipei wans to do interior designing too.
and she considering HC. but kuo told us both to go poly. urgh.
i need to know exactly what they offer and if it suits me.
sigh. so irritated (or maybe its confusion)

YAY!
hahaha. my art teacher hinted that i got an A.
nvm wad A. A can liao.
yay. i can go RJ/HC
still deciding.

aniwae.
my BIO realli SUCKED.
got a stupid B4.
bleh.
somehow i never know how to answer?

oh. i felt so undeserving for lit.
dont get me wrong. im not complaining about getting the A1.
its just that.
cos i added my actual marks. before all the cancelling and i should have got an A2.
70 instead of 76.
my marks were cancelled 3 times over to give me the additional 6 marks.
i feel so grateful towards Choo and so guilty at the same time.
sigh. gotta buck up.

aniwae.
i was so totally embarassed today in the audi.
its like. first, me pei shuuy and ella entered audi late.
cos we were. ah. in the canteen taking our own sweet time eating.
(not our fault lit took sooo long)
so. quite paiseh la. den i got the aisle seat.
and i was turning arnd to talk to wuims when i saw a cockroach.
>.<"
and well. i screamed so loud the audi was momentarily silent.
i jumped up and scream la. den pple were like all freaking out and laughing and stuff.
urgh.
SO embarassing.
and miss lee on stage was like "shaoning. cockroach only wad. its so small and you're bigger than it!"
AHHHHHHHHHH. bleh.